Co-addicted relationships are between two people where one person is focused on the other person and the other person is focusing on avoiding intimacy and closeness in the relationship. It is common for the overtly (obvious) intimacy avoidant partner to have an addiction as well, such as alcoholism, gambling, or workaholism, for example. The partner’s addiction allows for intensity in the relationship, which is an intimacy avoidant strategy, although often an unconscious one.
A co-addicted relationship can occur in the case of love addiction between any two people in a relationship, not just romantic. It can occur between two friends, a mother and a daughter, or a boss and an employee.
Co-addicted relationships are based on positive and negative intensity, rather than healthy love.
The love addict may obsessive think about, fantasizes about, and seek “closeness” with the other person while the avoidant partner seeks separation and avoids intimacy.
I put “closeness” in quotes because while it may appear that the love addict is seeking closeness, the love addict also fears true intimacy. More specifically, the avoidant has a conscious fear of intimacy and the love addict has a subconscious fear of intimacy. So instead of seeking closeness, the love addict often seeks intensity and/or enmeshment. It is important to note that the love addict is usually lusting over the fantasy of who they want the other person to be.
If we can break through denial and explore these patterns, thoughts, feelings and behaviors with curiosity and compassion, it will usually take us right to the core wounding that is deserving of love, attention and healing,